Right.. So here's the thing. I'm feeling overwhelmed. I made a list of things I wanted to do by the end of this summer, and out of the list what exactly have I done? Um.. what's that? Nothing? Not possible. Oh but it is.

NOTHING.

I wanted some simple things to complete this summer.

Number 1. Design and create a website.
2. Paint something for my uncle. I wanted to do it since school and now I've found out he has cancer.
3. Design and create references for some new characters for 3 concepts I have going.
4. Get those concepts out on paper
5. Get some more Asian music. (Yea ok I got a little bit more variety)

So ok. Yea I got some more variety in Asian music now, but I can do that anytime..
Now I've got a whole shitload of things dumped on me. I feel like there's no time for myself anymore. I like to draw for myself.. and I know it sounds selfish, but with work now the only time I get to draw is when I'm off and even then sometimes I just don;t feel like drawing.. or sometimes I feel like it, but I can't.

Abby I'm sorry I can't do your Kiba x Kankuro pictures. I didn't say it yesterday.. and I don't mean to sound mean, but I really don't want to..
Stephie and Sonawahes I'll finish yours since I've started on them a while ago.

But after those I'm drawing what I please and getting what I want done, DONE.

Or I could just be in a bad mood because I'm not getting enough rest and now I'm on day shift tomorrow and I never get enough sleep. So now I know I'll be sleep deprived for 3-4 days or more.

And I got sick yesterday and I still can't eat today.
Aaaand I spent too much this summer. Now I can;t get the tablet I wanted and I still have to get dad a birthday present..

I should really try to vent, but I can never vent typing.. and I can;t draw when I'm angry or irritated or frustrated or sad because it depresses/angers me more..

My Grandma keeps asking me what I want for my birthday too... I don't want anything and that tablet is too expensive for them to afford.

Oh. and I still want to learn Japanese, but the more I'm pressured to do it (this goes for anything), the less I want to do it. So that's on hold now too until I find the RIGHT kind of motivation for MYSELF. I'm the type of person who can't be forced into doing something. If I feel like I'm being forced, I will stop, lose interest and eventually come to hate it. This happened with many things such as my karate classes. When I was done and finally got my black belt, yea ok, I was kind of happy, but I was also happy because I never had to go back again and finally it was out of my way. Another was the French language. My family is french and they pushed french on me since I was in elementary school. I hate it. I can't stand looking at it, hearing it, reading it, etc. And because I got a 70 something in it in grade 9 they wanted me to take more of it. HAHAHAHAHA No...

Clothes, what I wear is what I like. They're what makes me me. They're what makes me comfortable with myself. I don;t care how much of a figure I have, if I want to wear guys clothes then I will damn well wear guys clothes. And I will continue wearing guys clothes so there's no point in trying to change that. I don't understand why people don't get it. As for colour.. I dislike colour. and you know what I realized? I never give my answer. So here it is. I have trouble with colours. I'm not colour blind, but I have issues. My left eye see's different than my right eye. Besides that I just don't like it. Too many people complain. Oh it's too blue or that colour doesn't look good on you, too much red, not enough red. It goes on and on and on. But back on too seeing, EVERYONE can see black and white. So I like to wear black , grays, or whites and I like to draw in grayscale. Unless it's digital, there probably won't be any colour. And you know what? I don;t care if it looks boring. Most likely chances if it's not boring to me, it won't be boring for someone else either. I'm through caring about what other people think. It just holds me back and drags me down. But when people try to constantly change me.. I hate that. If you like me for who I am then why bother? What does it matter?

It doesn't.

</unorganized rant>